No Bad Times

This morning after my exercise session I went into the locker room and it was a bit crowded. "You came in at a bad time," Bob said to me. "Bob, there are no bad times. For me every moment is a good one."

This is particularly true in light of my "sudden death" a year ago on January 23. Good to be alive? We say it so easily, but for me it means a great deal more. After that experience I looked around and world seemed more beautiful than I had ever seen it. People seemed more friendly than I had ever experienced. I told my wife, "I always knew you were beautiful, but I have never seen you as beautiful as I see you now." Ruth I went to Branson in the spring after my episode and as we drove around the hills I was lost in awe. "Was this always so beautiful? Or is it just me?"

Mind you, it's not like, "God's in his heaven and all's right with the world" kind of thing. There are still a lot of things that I have difficulty accepting. I was still devastated by Ivan that did so much damage, especially to two places that I loved so well--Grenada and Gulf Shores. The Tsunami which devasted and destroyed so much and so many lives is still beyond my comprehension. I can't take it all in. I am still distressed by the monument to human stupidity and arrogance that is the current situation in Iraq. Yes, there is still a lot that distresses, a lot that depresses, a lot that disturbs me.

Recently Jonathan and his family have been much on my mind. I hurt with the family, and I have no understanding or explanation why a beautiful four-year-old boy can be afflicted with so much! And the complete and utter helpless one feels in the presence of such suffering! Human suffering leaves us feeling pain, sorrow, helplessness, and, yes, compassion. I believe that it is our capacity for compassion that makes us truly human (and, yes, truly divine).

Hurricanes, earthquakes, floods, mudslides, volcanoes, tsunamis, disease, death--no doubt about it, they are all tragic. But life is good. Had I not survived my episode of "sudden death" I would not have been wrenched by the complete distruction of the Kirk in Grenada by Ivan, nor would I be overwhelmed by the utter power and devastation of the Tsunami, nor would I feel grief and pain for Jonathan and his family.

Life is not all sunshine. There are some days we like, and some we don't like as well. But they are all gifts we receive. There are some experiences we welcome and enjoy, and some we do not. But they are all valid parts of our lives. I heard somewhere that the Arabs have a saying, "all sunshine makes a desert." And even the desert blooms with an occasional rain.

I can still not make any sense out of illness, pain and suffering, but they are all a part of our human experience. To be alive is to feel sorrow and pain as well as joy and well being. I don't know what all this means, except, that for me, I am trying not to despise or dismiss any moment or experience as bad or unworthy. No more bad times for me, although I know I will still feel anguish, anger, sorrow, pain and compassion. So long as I can feel them all I am truly and fully alive.